"We Only Part to Meet Again"

Tomorrow is day 250. I pointed out in a note that 250 days is 8 months and 7days (or a week) and that amounts to 6,000 hours. Ha. That's the time I have been here and that is absolutely crazy. There have been memories, bonding moments, harry potter marathons (Watched all 8 movies in 48 hours), 

"There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted,all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries. 

On such a full sea are we now afloat, 

And we must take the current when it serves, 

Or lose our ventures."

Julius Caesar- William Shakespeare

As things wrap up and graduation went off without a hitch I am stunned to think that time has come and gone just like that. It's time to return to life and share what I have learned... That also includes Spanish!  As I look back and as I talk to others I learn from their observations. When I came in I was calloused, broken, used, and in control. I knew that I had a few checked boxes I had to fill and this year would be a breeze. I thought I had it all figured out- just like a game of chess. The King will always be standing..until it's guards are let down. Then and only then can it be exposed. Well, it took having everything against me to shut my mouth and let God do the talking. Early on, I learned that people are just in fact that... people. Yes we are all different people from different backgrounds, however, we are still human. We ALL make mistakes and we all sin. Whether it's gossip about one another or harbor resentment towards another. It's all the same sin inside... just different ways of dealing with issues.

I'm sad to say it, but the beginning of the end is happening. I am packed except for the clothes needed for the day and the journey home. I spent all day Saturday going through my keep, donate, or throw away piles. I was going through notes about fitting into the culture, quick ways to pick up Spanish, and numerous handouts pertaining to rules and class guidelines. It's sad that in just a few short hours it will all be over. All 12 (Including Jaime) of us will get on a plane and fly back the states sometime in May. Graduation is April 30th. Some of us leave anywhere from May 2nd (tomorrow) to May 7th and J leaves later on in May.

It's the end of something beautiful.

You know that quote that's at the beginning of the post? Have you ever hear it before? Ever thought about what it means? Want me to ask another question? haha. Sorry. The quotes means: Act now, while we have the power, because if we wait too long- we may find that we have lost the opportunity and that we'll loose everything. That's pretty heavy, but very thought provoking at the same time. If we don't understand that tomorrow isn't promised... then we miss our chance to impact the world. I've kept myself from enjoying a certain situation or time because I was worried about things that just don't matter. When you have that passion- jump on it. When you have that nudge- move on it. Why? Because tomorrow will not be the same and it is not promised... at all. 

I hate talking about goodbyes because frankly I'm not good at them. Last night I had to say many goodbyes and it's not at all fun. I try to write letters and I just can't. I feel numb and it's different. I'm use to people coming and going in my life. I'm use to saying goodbye, but not to people who actually mean something. I've only done this a couple of times and it's not fun. Now to say goodbye to a group of people- it will be hard. I've been with these girls for a while and now we are all headed in different directions. Almost a week ago- I said good bye to an intern who I have become close with. It wasn't easy and when I got back to my room, I cried. It's getting harder to say goodbye. Sometimes I try to say to myself that I'll see them later, but then I realize that it might not happen. I'll see some people but God has different plans. John Glover use to say behind the curtain at the Atlanta Passion Play... "This is last time that we will all be together in the same situation. Some are friends now, and others with be in different places. This moment is precious." It's like the whole- capture every second. If I could tell Melissa back at the beginning that the "time will fly- capture it." woah. I totally would. 

I have been stressed this past few months, and I want to apologize to those I ignored or spoke down to. I was trying to make sure I follow all rules like they need to and getting all school work and other stuff done. It takes a lot out of someone trying to be perfect. I've been so stressed with trying to follow the rules and not get into trouble that I have forgotten to breathe and relax. In the midst of literally running to make it in by 10:30pm or out by 8:15 am. I began to mix feelings with the pressure and true friendships. What I have been learning and it seems to be a central theme in my life. The phrase I have heard all my life, I now have to apply. "Trust God and leave all the consequences to Him."- Charles Stanley I literally have heard that my entire life. It took me a long time to realize that quote in its entirety. It's a daily battle because I cannot control what others do nor say. I can only control what I say, what I do, and how I react.

"Out of suffering have emerged

 the strongest souls;

the most massive characters 

are seared with scars."

Philosopher Kahili Gibran

Sometimes, I look back and I think that I could do so much more. Why didn't I do this or why didn't I say this. what I have been learning is no regrets. What happened is something that should have happened and frankly it has shaped me to be the person who I am today. Everything has happened for such a time as this. It has had its moments of prodigious leaps of faith and moments of tiny whispers of keep going.

As I end this post it may seems like I am rambling, but there is just so much going on. People are getting in their last beach time and others are packing. Some are sitting around in a circle playing the game 2048. Download it-it's addictive, but good. Seriously. it's a math game and it's fun. Anyways, Others are doing laundry and the rest are just wandering around. 

There is so much going on that I will post a recap of the month soon.

"Well, I won't give up on us,

Even if the skies get rough,

I'm giving you all my love,

I'm still looking up."

Till next time,

A Pair Of Shorts

Happy Monday!

This one is not only an update about the trip and I hesitate to even write about this, but I feel led to share my story here. 

There is a pair of shorts that I have had for quite a while. They're big, baggy, match everything, and have lots of pockets. The typical men's khaki cargo shorts. I'm able to do everything with these shorts. If this pair of shorts could talk, they would tell you a million stories and memories. Moving out, moving in, work issues, relationship issues, family issues, bar conversations, and they have been with me to 4 different countries... I can tell you that this pair of shorts has been with me through it all and they have hid something from others. Whether it be a dip can or a small bottle of alcohol in the pocket or a large pocket knife hooked on for protection. The thing about these shorts is that they hide something else... my weight. They look so ridiculous on me that It makes me feel skinny. I know that whenever I put these shorts on, they will always fit... just like the last time. It's safe and it's there. No matter how crazy my sister or mom says I look in them- I always bucked the system because I didn't care. I knew that this pair of shorts made me feel better.

For the past two years, I have been on a journey of healing. I have lived life for me and not taken into account what anyone else has said. I broke off a relationship with someone who I really cared about, I lost friends because I wasn't willing to let them walk over me or because living in bondage is not what I call living life. These shorts are the last of the purging of these "comfortable" clothes. It's the last outer shell that I have worried so much about. It's worried me for so long and yet here I sit looking at these shorts. Each monday I do laundry. Yes, I sort, wash, dry and fold all my laundry and my sheets. I look upon this very same pair of shorts and say, "maybe next week" and so I fold them and put them away. Just to wear them the next day. Well, this is the week. Today, I have decided not to wear this pair of shorts anymore. Why? Because I am beautiful without these shorts. In Genesis 1:27a it says "So God created man in his own image." Ha, have you ever thought that we are created in the image of THE Creator of the Universe? When I wear the shorts, they define me as boyish or insecure. It's amazing that a pair of shorts can make someone feel so awesome about themselves. Since growing in my relationship with God, I have learned that each conversation or mentorship or tough love conversation was specifically placed for a reason. In Ecclesiastes 3:7 it says, "He has made every thing beautiful in his time: also he has set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God makes from the beginning to the end." I decided to take a leap of faith and do what he has been pressuring me to do. Reside in him for my beauty and not seek upon myself or others for that satisfaction. See, that's what I was not doing the entire time. I was residing in myself and how I felt to decide if I was beautiful or good looking. I had to search and searching made me as lost as Moses in the desert. Over the past two years I have been wandering in my own version of the desert trying to find my way. Trying in my own strength and not depending on something stronger than man. I would seek counsel but not truly want it. It was going to take something much more and it did. When God showed me through several cross references that, "He has made every thing beautiful in his time..."

I knew what I had to do... 

What I had to do is get rid of the shorts. Not just a random pair of shorts, THE shorts. It might sound dramatic but it is actually quite terrifying for me. Come tomorrow morning- I will be throwing away these shorts... never to see them again. Never to look down at the hole or the paint in the left pocket. I have been telling people that this has been a time of shedding and pruning. Well, hopefully it's almost over because I'm sick of pruning. It hurts and it is no fun. However, just remember that giving up control is not easy and exposing yourself to things that hurt are not fun. It's like ripping the scab off a freshly scabbed wound. However, once you stop trying to take care of it yourself... you find you have strength to get up or stand up for yourself. 

I know that was pretty long and really exposing. However, It was good to let you all know what's been going on in my life away from the computer.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other than the shorts here's what's been going on in bullet points thus far.

• Spanish teachings have gotten harder-my brain hurts my 12 noon but it's so good.
• I'm trying to not cry when thinking about leaving this place. I know graduation is just 6 weeks away, but still it's sad
• groups come and go here and it is actually quite sad.
• I LOVE carepackages! Thank you to all who have sent some! 
• I'm learning that each new day is a blessing
• I am reading a book called It's NOT About ME and I absolutely love it. 
• We had apologetics and I absolutely love it.
• graduation is just simply too close and it's getting to me
• Johnson Ferry comes in on Saturday and pray for all of us. We will all be translating in some form or fashion. Whether conversational or for large groups.
• pray for the mindsets of everyone here because it's getting down to the end.
• FINISHING WELL
• Bible is now going to be taught by Dr. Bob and I'm SUPER excited. His knowledge is so great about the bible that it is absolutely amazing. 
• I'm taking advantage of the beach as much as I can.
• Saying goodbye is never easy. Especially to those who you have gotten to know and care for. 

Just letting you guys know to pray for all of us. We will all need strength when Johnson Ferry comes down with 300+ people. They charter their own plane and such. haha 

Let me leave you with this last quote. 

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. 

However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” - Ann Landers

Till next time!

Well Ladies and Gents I am back at writing

As you have probably guessed, I have been incredibly busy.

I got back from the states just two months. It's been crazy weird thinking about life in the states has been resuming while I have been here.

To catch you up on everything going on:

Spanish is going well. Better than I expected quite honestly. I know a lot but speaking is still getting to me. The best nights are speaking spanish with the translators as we hang out. I absolutely love it and all of their friendship. Even if I'm totally wrong they will help me understand why I said the sentence wrong.

In other news things are going by very quickly. We are learning at fast paces and going at 90mph. I'll tell you this. It's hard to sometimes keep up. I never imagined I'd be able to understand and speak a little amount of spanish.

In this last month of being back, we have been busy. We found out that we are going to Haiti for a missions trip. I cannot tell you how excited I am to do this. Not only is it another stamp on the passport, but it is actually another opportunity to grow and step out of my comfort zone.

Parents week came and went just like that. We went to a really poor campo named San Jose and we also went to Josiah's House, Emanual House, and Pasitos de Jesus. It was good to show my dad around where I stayed and let him enjoy the hot weather we were having.

Just to let you know I have totally trimmed this thing. I was 18 paragraphs, but I trimmed it waay down.

As I was saying a while back... We have been going non stop. Classes have commenced in full swing and life is just as not predictable as the next day. In this last month I have been off with my group on medical missions trips to help translate, we have been planning for our missions trip to Haiti (I'm pumped), we have had a long class (But it was wonderful and beneficial)of both Soteriology and Old Testament History. Being in classes a lot makes me weary of school, but I am reminded that college is nothing like this experience. 

To know what's been on my heart lately, It's been on the peace of God. Every time you face something you think (key word think) you can't handle and then God just says, "Here's a place where you have to rely on me. The question is will you lean on me or try it out for yourself?" I was journaling because that's one of the only times where I can get real with myself about others and my progress. Since being back I have been thrown into situations that just challenge the heck out of me. Whether it's using self control to keep my mouth shut or standing up for myself. I will say that my temper as had a time of cooling. It takes a lot to get me really mad and if walk away from these past 9 months with just that... I think that is huge progress.

I will be getting better about writing, but if you ever have any question feel free to ask. :)

Till next time!

1..1,2...12345, animo animo animo

If you are wondering what that means... it means something rather crazy, but it's a song that dominican love here. Even our spanish teacher Julio loves it. lol

Yes, If you haven't noticed- I changed up the blog a little bit. Different background :)So as I write this know that I am thankful for you reading. Yes, to you all over the world - I appreciate YOU reading.

So as I sit here, at my laptop, thinking that this time has absolutely flown by. I sit here completely humbled with all that has been set before me. I'll tell you this,

I've gotten encouragement notes, facebook messages, text messages and those random calls on my cell that have totally surprised me.

In just over one day I will be landing on American Soil. Yes, I'll be able to look at my phone and see the word T-MOBILE and not VIVA or ORANGE. I'll be able to sleep in room by myself and shower with hot water all morning if need be. It's weird, but I know I'll miss being here. Glad I'm only in the states for three weeks.

Today, I got up around 8:30ish and we proceeded to go to the beach around 9. It was actually really sad because Jordan and Atlea left this morning. :( So then we all went to the beach got some sun, went in the freezing water, and then came back for lunch. Tanned on the roof. Yes. Then, a few of us went with the carter's to El Sueno which is such an awesomely yummy restaurant. :)

I've been thinking of how to phrase this update and what's on but I just can't. There's too much I've been kind of distracted with the fact that I'll be home for Christmas, packing, cleaning, beachin it out majorly. I feel like I have missed so much in the states and in reality, I have.

As things end, I sit here and think where did the time go? I've been here for 111 days and what all have I accomplished?

As I look back at many things I think about what I came unprepared for. No, I'm not perfect and I know you were thinking that I was. haha yeaaah right. However, what I think and realize is what all I have gained throughout all of this first half of the journey. I've learned a few things in general.

• Opening my heart means that I have to be vulnerable. Not just being real in what I say, but caring and taking criticism.
• I've learned the difference between saying thanks and thank you.(There is a difference)
• Memories are made when we're all at our most vulnerable or stuffed into a dominican van :)
• I've learned more about the Bible than I've ever known. It is crazy how an inductive bible study will blow your mind.
• Sharing is definitely caring...
• Sometimes the best nights are the spontaneous ones.
• Godly trust is given - not earned.
• I'm not a fan/cut out for school.

All these and many many more.

I can really say that I've been blessed. This mid way point is crazy stressfull. I have five days left and two of them are like midterms. (like I said- Im not a fan of school.)

There's so much to type here and not enough time.

This week has been quite the adventurous and unexpected one.
First off on Sunday night Jaime comes into each apartment and says 7:30 my apartment. She made it sound like something was wrong and that we were in trouble. Welp, after much to worry about- we show up to a surprise. She had cooked a surprise breakfast for us. Ha, it was the farthest thing from being in trouble. The Carters or rather Ashley made some bacon and cheese eggs and her specialty - coffee. yummy. Let's just say, It is a moment that we all will not forget.


Just Monday I said goodbye and see you next year to the boys at Josiah's house. Let me tell you something, These boys have melted my heart in such a crazy way. I teach them english and they teach me spanish. My favorite thing to do with my older boys is have them read the Bible in english. We have started memorizing John 3:16. Funny story... One of my boys Victor hates to read english and well as he kept saying, "No quiero, no quiero la tarea" which means "I don't want, I don't want to do homework" All I had to say was I'll read in spanish if you read in english. Haha His face literally lit up and as I struggled with my spanish- he laughed and laughed. :)Here's us with a good chunk of the boys. the one in the chair was in time out and not happy. haha this picture just makes me smile. I can't contain my smile just looking at this.

As some people know that this place has worked a number on me. The road here has not been easy. There have been times where I've  thought about going home, other times of "seriously, not again" and I just want to be free. I will say that this has been the biggest learning experience... ever. To think, I've got five months left. Crazy. Graduation is only 137 days left. After break it will be 115 days or 16.5 weeks. Yes, not that much time when you think about it. 

It's hard to think I'm leaving here and though it's only three weeks- It will be a real big adjustment.(I can flush toilet paper and drive!) However, leaving tropical climate for cold and rainy weather. Just kind of crazy how so far apart makes a difference. 

As I sit here, I'm excited to get home. To work a little bit,to see my friends that I've missed, to drive and to eat food other than rice, beans, chicken with hot sauce and ranch mixed together (or sometimes Cesar and hot sauce).

As to what I am learning in the word. I've been in Ephesians 5:1-21. It's taking me forever to get through them and it's been really good. I've always had a problem with knowing where to draw the line when it comes to people. I love people and I love hanging out and befriending the unbefriendable. (If that's not a word... I will make it up) It's hard for me to understand the salt and light and what all that really means. You can hang out with these people, but don't partake...just hang out.It's hard for me to grasp that because that's how we can reach others. I know that I've been the lonely one at the bar or restaurant and seeing people come in and go out. It gives a perspective that not many people understand or realize. Just saying hey to someone might make their day or even buying them a beer or soda. I've been having this inner battle and it's affected everything... even my guitar playing. It's been a wild ride to the least.

I will say that one of my fear after this journey is where do I go from there. Will the people accept the new me? Will the ones that said, 'I'll be here when you get back!' Will they really be there? It's questions like that that make me wonder. However, I do have a peace. It actually comes from the book of Lamentations 3:22-24 "Because of the Lord's great Love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The lord is my portion; Therefore I will wait for him.'" That has been on my main go to verses for coming home. The world will not consume me or my problems, but that God will help me through out it all. 

See you in America!

"There is a kind of magicness about going far away and then coming back all changed." - Kate Douglas Wiggin 

Till Next Time!

happiness or happyness?

Well Today is Thanksgiving...

 I can tell you that there are a million things running through my head. I am thankful for numerous things, but here's a few that top the list. 

I am thankful(In not particular order)...

 1.    For a God that loves me and cares for me- even when I don't take care of myself.
2.    For the GAP family I have made here. Each person has helped me along on this journey. They are like family now and I can't imagine my life without each one. :)
3.    My family, I know we don't get a long a lot, but I am thankful for the growth period and to see what God does.
4.    My Awaken Family, who have taught me how to cook, how to laugh, how to lead and praise God and how to be discipled. Accountability sucks, but it SO worth it in the end. I can't imagine my life without all of you guys and I am SO blessed.
That's just the top 4 but a top 5 would have turned into a top 7. haha so 4 it is. The past couple of weeks have been absolutely amazing. I don't have enough energy to tell you all in great detail but I'll try to hit them all. This past weekend we went on a mini missions trip to Bani. Well, one thing I asked God was that I could see the mountains. See, the mountains for me are so refreshing and so rejuvenating that I can't even tell you how empowered I feel just being in the presence of mountains.(Photo Credit Jaime Snyder)

    Well, Bani is in the mountains and God did a number on me. He helped me to relax, enjoy and step way out of my comfort zone. In Bani we helped out at the local baptist church painting and fellowshipping. We have fun at youth group and then Sunday went to church. Now, church in the states is long if it's 1.5 hours but here's it's short if it's 3 hours. They sing with all of their might and when God says make a joyful noise... he didn't say it had to be on pitch. These Dominican's sing and praise God as their hearts desire. Even when it's not perfect- they still praise God with all they have.( Life hack 101: praise God with what you have- don't impress him, but give all you can.) Monday we went to the beach with some of the guys and girls from church. Then we headed home to Juan Dolio. 
     SO many things to say about the 90+ days I've been here. It totally feels like I've been here about a month. I can tell you that I so didn't believe when people told me that it was going to fly by. Well, here we are around Thanksgiving and it's in the high 80's and sunny.
      It's weird looking out and sometimes is doesn't feel real. Today was that day. We had a free day and so I slept like I haven't slept in a while. I slept for twelve hours and it was amazing. I love getting tons of it, especially when I really needed it. Today was a day where things/feelings/spiritual warfare hit. Feelings of being lost, alone and I'm incredibly overwhelmed at the feelings of going "home." It's crazy how it actually stresses me out to the max. As I look around, it almost doesn't feel real that I'm living in the Caribbean and learning spanish. Sometimes I actually get overwhelmed and shed a tear or two with amazement of where I am in life.
      As I was up on the roof today watching the wind blow into the palm trees. I was reminded of how many times I would watch from our deck how the wind would blow the pine trees back and forth.  I can remember thinking, "is there more to this life than this. Will I ever get out of this rut?" That was about two years ago. Well, sitting here in a different country, I can finally say I've gotten out of that rut. There's more to life than the 9-5 job and an undisciplined life.
     God has really been challenging me everyday. Some things are easy and others are hard. Things like: to love, forgive, and move on. Throughout this journey I have learned that it's not about the actual situation but how you handle yourself and get through it.Who do you turn to when times are tough, friends or God?      One thing I've really thought about is marriage. God made it abundantly clear marriage was for me and to whom I do not know. However, he made it clear that I should be getting ready. Ha, the thought of that still rattles my cage. Was God really telling me to get ready for marriage or was it just that I'm surrounded by girls 24/7 and that desire has happened my osmosis. I can truly say that I have never thought of myself as marriage material.     Maybe because a version of myself I didn't like had been created and I was scared to admit it. Or, I just didn't know what to feel or think. I was in a position to get married but I knew things were lacking. I knew in my heart of hearts that getting married to that guy would be the biggest mistake of my life. I can't tell you right now how it all happened in detail, but I can tell you that I am not that same person I use to be. There was no defining moment of saying, "I'm not in this 100%" However, It was comfortable. I could do whatever I pleased. All without consequences(So I thought)Though, in my heart of hearts I knew that's not who I was created to be. Something told me I had to change, but I was stuck. I got suck in a rut and then became so stubborn I took a thousand paces back. All I know is that It's hard for me to pin point the last time I really thought about marriage as a good thing. Maybe it's because I'm selfish or maybe it's for a different reason. All I know is that I knew I wasn't to marry him and yet I was on my way to doing so.
     Here in the Dominican I've had a lot of time to get away from the world around me in Georgia. Yes, there's Facebook but I know that things happen everyday that people don't put on social media. Marriage has been on my mind since about the fourth week of being here. I can remember the passage in Proverbs chapter 31 in which it talks about being a good wife. What's interesting is that I was always told to wait for that man, but I've taken a new approach. Love God, Seek after God, Run with God and Let your mate find you along the way. If he doesn't find me, it wasn't meant to be. I can tell you being the youngest of three girls in the family it's hard not think about marriage. When both my sisters were married 7 months apart... The question arose at both weddings a total of 29 times, "Melissa, when is your wedding?" I knew the family wasn't kidding, but at the same time they were. Lately I've been thinking about my future but I've needed this time to relax, refresh, renew, rededicate, and restart. It's been a different attitude since I've gone through my five R's. I'm different and I'm not afraid. I'm willing to reclaim my innocence, be the woman I was created to be, and take pride in who I am. As I read Proverbs 31 I don't just see it as a goal, but as a guideline. Not like a purity ring as it's a symbol of coolness or Christian status, but like faint smile and a reminder of who I was created to be.
  If you're reading this- I know this is a little more personal, but this is what my journey is about here. haha I promise more tourism pictures will come sometime. So this is a little bit of what God's been teaching me. Much more to come after the weeks festivities. Highlights:• Thanksgiving with my GAP/Score Family
• Bonding moments
• Seeing random goats/wildlife in unexpected places.
• Praise and worship times

I'll leave you with this last quote.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal" Anonymous

 


Till Next Time!