happiness or happyness?

Well Today is Thanksgiving...

 I can tell you that there are a million things running through my head. I am thankful for numerous things, but here's a few that top the list. 

I am thankful(In not particular order)...

 1.    For a God that loves me and cares for me- even when I don't take care of myself.
2.    For the GAP family I have made here. Each person has helped me along on this journey. They are like family now and I can't imagine my life without each one. :)
3.    My family, I know we don't get a long a lot, but I am thankful for the growth period and to see what God does.
4.    My Awaken Family, who have taught me how to cook, how to laugh, how to lead and praise God and how to be discipled. Accountability sucks, but it SO worth it in the end. I can't imagine my life without all of you guys and I am SO blessed.
That's just the top 4 but a top 5 would have turned into a top 7. haha so 4 it is. The past couple of weeks have been absolutely amazing. I don't have enough energy to tell you all in great detail but I'll try to hit them all. This past weekend we went on a mini missions trip to Bani. Well, one thing I asked God was that I could see the mountains. See, the mountains for me are so refreshing and so rejuvenating that I can't even tell you how empowered I feel just being in the presence of mountains.(Photo Credit Jaime Snyder)

    Well, Bani is in the mountains and God did a number on me. He helped me to relax, enjoy and step way out of my comfort zone. In Bani we helped out at the local baptist church painting and fellowshipping. We have fun at youth group and then Sunday went to church. Now, church in the states is long if it's 1.5 hours but here's it's short if it's 3 hours. They sing with all of their might and when God says make a joyful noise... he didn't say it had to be on pitch. These Dominican's sing and praise God as their hearts desire. Even when it's not perfect- they still praise God with all they have.( Life hack 101: praise God with what you have- don't impress him, but give all you can.) Monday we went to the beach with some of the guys and girls from church. Then we headed home to Juan Dolio. 
     SO many things to say about the 90+ days I've been here. It totally feels like I've been here about a month. I can tell you that I so didn't believe when people told me that it was going to fly by. Well, here we are around Thanksgiving and it's in the high 80's and sunny.
      It's weird looking out and sometimes is doesn't feel real. Today was that day. We had a free day and so I slept like I haven't slept in a while. I slept for twelve hours and it was amazing. I love getting tons of it, especially when I really needed it. Today was a day where things/feelings/spiritual warfare hit. Feelings of being lost, alone and I'm incredibly overwhelmed at the feelings of going "home." It's crazy how it actually stresses me out to the max. As I look around, it almost doesn't feel real that I'm living in the Caribbean and learning spanish. Sometimes I actually get overwhelmed and shed a tear or two with amazement of where I am in life.
      As I was up on the roof today watching the wind blow into the palm trees. I was reminded of how many times I would watch from our deck how the wind would blow the pine trees back and forth.  I can remember thinking, "is there more to this life than this. Will I ever get out of this rut?" That was about two years ago. Well, sitting here in a different country, I can finally say I've gotten out of that rut. There's more to life than the 9-5 job and an undisciplined life.
     God has really been challenging me everyday. Some things are easy and others are hard. Things like: to love, forgive, and move on. Throughout this journey I have learned that it's not about the actual situation but how you handle yourself and get through it.Who do you turn to when times are tough, friends or God?      One thing I've really thought about is marriage. God made it abundantly clear marriage was for me and to whom I do not know. However, he made it clear that I should be getting ready. Ha, the thought of that still rattles my cage. Was God really telling me to get ready for marriage or was it just that I'm surrounded by girls 24/7 and that desire has happened my osmosis. I can truly say that I have never thought of myself as marriage material.     Maybe because a version of myself I didn't like had been created and I was scared to admit it. Or, I just didn't know what to feel or think. I was in a position to get married but I knew things were lacking. I knew in my heart of hearts that getting married to that guy would be the biggest mistake of my life. I can't tell you right now how it all happened in detail, but I can tell you that I am not that same person I use to be. There was no defining moment of saying, "I'm not in this 100%" However, It was comfortable. I could do whatever I pleased. All without consequences(So I thought)Though, in my heart of hearts I knew that's not who I was created to be. Something told me I had to change, but I was stuck. I got suck in a rut and then became so stubborn I took a thousand paces back. All I know is that It's hard for me to pin point the last time I really thought about marriage as a good thing. Maybe it's because I'm selfish or maybe it's for a different reason. All I know is that I knew I wasn't to marry him and yet I was on my way to doing so.
     Here in the Dominican I've had a lot of time to get away from the world around me in Georgia. Yes, there's Facebook but I know that things happen everyday that people don't put on social media. Marriage has been on my mind since about the fourth week of being here. I can remember the passage in Proverbs chapter 31 in which it talks about being a good wife. What's interesting is that I was always told to wait for that man, but I've taken a new approach. Love God, Seek after God, Run with God and Let your mate find you along the way. If he doesn't find me, it wasn't meant to be. I can tell you being the youngest of three girls in the family it's hard not think about marriage. When both my sisters were married 7 months apart... The question arose at both weddings a total of 29 times, "Melissa, when is your wedding?" I knew the family wasn't kidding, but at the same time they were. Lately I've been thinking about my future but I've needed this time to relax, refresh, renew, rededicate, and restart. It's been a different attitude since I've gone through my five R's. I'm different and I'm not afraid. I'm willing to reclaim my innocence, be the woman I was created to be, and take pride in who I am. As I read Proverbs 31 I don't just see it as a goal, but as a guideline. Not like a purity ring as it's a symbol of coolness or Christian status, but like faint smile and a reminder of who I was created to be.
  If you're reading this- I know this is a little more personal, but this is what my journey is about here. haha I promise more tourism pictures will come sometime. So this is a little bit of what God's been teaching me. Much more to come after the weeks festivities. Highlights:• Thanksgiving with my GAP/Score Family
• Bonding moments
• Seeing random goats/wildlife in unexpected places.
• Praise and worship times

I'll leave you with this last quote.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal" Anonymous

 


Till Next Time!