"We Only Part to Meet Again"

Tomorrow is day 250. I pointed out in a note that 250 days is 8 months and 7days (or a week) and that amounts to 6,000 hours. Ha. That's the time I have been here and that is absolutely crazy. There have been memories, bonding moments, harry potter marathons (Watched all 8 movies in 48 hours), 

"There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted,all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries. 

On such a full sea are we now afloat, 

And we must take the current when it serves, 

Or lose our ventures."

Julius Caesar- William Shakespeare

As things wrap up and graduation went off without a hitch I am stunned to think that time has come and gone just like that. It's time to return to life and share what I have learned... That also includes Spanish!  As I look back and as I talk to others I learn from their observations. When I came in I was calloused, broken, used, and in control. I knew that I had a few checked boxes I had to fill and this year would be a breeze. I thought I had it all figured out- just like a game of chess. The King will always be standing..until it's guards are let down. Then and only then can it be exposed. Well, it took having everything against me to shut my mouth and let God do the talking. Early on, I learned that people are just in fact that... people. Yes we are all different people from different backgrounds, however, we are still human. We ALL make mistakes and we all sin. Whether it's gossip about one another or harbor resentment towards another. It's all the same sin inside... just different ways of dealing with issues.

I'm sad to say it, but the beginning of the end is happening. I am packed except for the clothes needed for the day and the journey home. I spent all day Saturday going through my keep, donate, or throw away piles. I was going through notes about fitting into the culture, quick ways to pick up Spanish, and numerous handouts pertaining to rules and class guidelines. It's sad that in just a few short hours it will all be over. All 12 (Including Jaime) of us will get on a plane and fly back the states sometime in May. Graduation is April 30th. Some of us leave anywhere from May 2nd (tomorrow) to May 7th and J leaves later on in May.

It's the end of something beautiful.

You know that quote that's at the beginning of the post? Have you ever hear it before? Ever thought about what it means? Want me to ask another question? haha. Sorry. The quotes means: Act now, while we have the power, because if we wait too long- we may find that we have lost the opportunity and that we'll loose everything. That's pretty heavy, but very thought provoking at the same time. If we don't understand that tomorrow isn't promised... then we miss our chance to impact the world. I've kept myself from enjoying a certain situation or time because I was worried about things that just don't matter. When you have that passion- jump on it. When you have that nudge- move on it. Why? Because tomorrow will not be the same and it is not promised... at all. 

I hate talking about goodbyes because frankly I'm not good at them. Last night I had to say many goodbyes and it's not at all fun. I try to write letters and I just can't. I feel numb and it's different. I'm use to people coming and going in my life. I'm use to saying goodbye, but not to people who actually mean something. I've only done this a couple of times and it's not fun. Now to say goodbye to a group of people- it will be hard. I've been with these girls for a while and now we are all headed in different directions. Almost a week ago- I said good bye to an intern who I have become close with. It wasn't easy and when I got back to my room, I cried. It's getting harder to say goodbye. Sometimes I try to say to myself that I'll see them later, but then I realize that it might not happen. I'll see some people but God has different plans. John Glover use to say behind the curtain at the Atlanta Passion Play... "This is last time that we will all be together in the same situation. Some are friends now, and others with be in different places. This moment is precious." It's like the whole- capture every second. If I could tell Melissa back at the beginning that the "time will fly- capture it." woah. I totally would. 

I have been stressed this past few months, and I want to apologize to those I ignored or spoke down to. I was trying to make sure I follow all rules like they need to and getting all school work and other stuff done. It takes a lot out of someone trying to be perfect. I've been so stressed with trying to follow the rules and not get into trouble that I have forgotten to breathe and relax. In the midst of literally running to make it in by 10:30pm or out by 8:15 am. I began to mix feelings with the pressure and true friendships. What I have been learning and it seems to be a central theme in my life. The phrase I have heard all my life, I now have to apply. "Trust God and leave all the consequences to Him."- Charles Stanley I literally have heard that my entire life. It took me a long time to realize that quote in its entirety. It's a daily battle because I cannot control what others do nor say. I can only control what I say, what I do, and how I react.

"Out of suffering have emerged

 the strongest souls;

the most massive characters 

are seared with scars."

Philosopher Kahili Gibran

Sometimes, I look back and I think that I could do so much more. Why didn't I do this or why didn't I say this. what I have been learning is no regrets. What happened is something that should have happened and frankly it has shaped me to be the person who I am today. Everything has happened for such a time as this. It has had its moments of prodigious leaps of faith and moments of tiny whispers of keep going.

As I end this post it may seems like I am rambling, but there is just so much going on. People are getting in their last beach time and others are packing. Some are sitting around in a circle playing the game 2048. Download it-it's addictive, but good. Seriously. it's a math game and it's fun. Anyways, Others are doing laundry and the rest are just wandering around. 

There is so much going on that I will post a recap of the month soon.

"Well, I won't give up on us,

Even if the skies get rough,

I'm giving you all my love,

I'm still looking up."

Till next time,

A Pair Of Shorts

Happy Monday!

This one is not only an update about the trip and I hesitate to even write about this, but I feel led to share my story here. 

There is a pair of shorts that I have had for quite a while. They're big, baggy, match everything, and have lots of pockets. The typical men's khaki cargo shorts. I'm able to do everything with these shorts. If this pair of shorts could talk, they would tell you a million stories and memories. Moving out, moving in, work issues, relationship issues, family issues, bar conversations, and they have been with me to 4 different countries... I can tell you that this pair of shorts has been with me through it all and they have hid something from others. Whether it be a dip can or a small bottle of alcohol in the pocket or a large pocket knife hooked on for protection. The thing about these shorts is that they hide something else... my weight. They look so ridiculous on me that It makes me feel skinny. I know that whenever I put these shorts on, they will always fit... just like the last time. It's safe and it's there. No matter how crazy my sister or mom says I look in them- I always bucked the system because I didn't care. I knew that this pair of shorts made me feel better.

For the past two years, I have been on a journey of healing. I have lived life for me and not taken into account what anyone else has said. I broke off a relationship with someone who I really cared about, I lost friends because I wasn't willing to let them walk over me or because living in bondage is not what I call living life. These shorts are the last of the purging of these "comfortable" clothes. It's the last outer shell that I have worried so much about. It's worried me for so long and yet here I sit looking at these shorts. Each monday I do laundry. Yes, I sort, wash, dry and fold all my laundry and my sheets. I look upon this very same pair of shorts and say, "maybe next week" and so I fold them and put them away. Just to wear them the next day. Well, this is the week. Today, I have decided not to wear this pair of shorts anymore. Why? Because I am beautiful without these shorts. In Genesis 1:27a it says "So God created man in his own image." Ha, have you ever thought that we are created in the image of THE Creator of the Universe? When I wear the shorts, they define me as boyish or insecure. It's amazing that a pair of shorts can make someone feel so awesome about themselves. Since growing in my relationship with God, I have learned that each conversation or mentorship or tough love conversation was specifically placed for a reason. In Ecclesiastes 3:7 it says, "He has made every thing beautiful in his time: also he has set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God makes from the beginning to the end." I decided to take a leap of faith and do what he has been pressuring me to do. Reside in him for my beauty and not seek upon myself or others for that satisfaction. See, that's what I was not doing the entire time. I was residing in myself and how I felt to decide if I was beautiful or good looking. I had to search and searching made me as lost as Moses in the desert. Over the past two years I have been wandering in my own version of the desert trying to find my way. Trying in my own strength and not depending on something stronger than man. I would seek counsel but not truly want it. It was going to take something much more and it did. When God showed me through several cross references that, "He has made every thing beautiful in his time..."

I knew what I had to do... 

What I had to do is get rid of the shorts. Not just a random pair of shorts, THE shorts. It might sound dramatic but it is actually quite terrifying for me. Come tomorrow morning- I will be throwing away these shorts... never to see them again. Never to look down at the hole or the paint in the left pocket. I have been telling people that this has been a time of shedding and pruning. Well, hopefully it's almost over because I'm sick of pruning. It hurts and it is no fun. However, just remember that giving up control is not easy and exposing yourself to things that hurt are not fun. It's like ripping the scab off a freshly scabbed wound. However, once you stop trying to take care of it yourself... you find you have strength to get up or stand up for yourself. 

I know that was pretty long and really exposing. However, It was good to let you all know what's been going on in my life away from the computer.


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Other than the shorts here's what's been going on in bullet points thus far.

• Spanish teachings have gotten harder-my brain hurts my 12 noon but it's so good.
• I'm trying to not cry when thinking about leaving this place. I know graduation is just 6 weeks away, but still it's sad
• groups come and go here and it is actually quite sad.
• I LOVE carepackages! Thank you to all who have sent some! 
• I'm learning that each new day is a blessing
• I am reading a book called It's NOT About ME and I absolutely love it. 
• We had apologetics and I absolutely love it.
• graduation is just simply too close and it's getting to me
• Johnson Ferry comes in on Saturday and pray for all of us. We will all be translating in some form or fashion. Whether conversational or for large groups.
• pray for the mindsets of everyone here because it's getting down to the end.
• FINISHING WELL
• Bible is now going to be taught by Dr. Bob and I'm SUPER excited. His knowledge is so great about the bible that it is absolutely amazing. 
• I'm taking advantage of the beach as much as I can.
• Saying goodbye is never easy. Especially to those who you have gotten to know and care for. 

Just letting you guys know to pray for all of us. We will all need strength when Johnson Ferry comes down with 300+ people. They charter their own plane and such. haha 

Let me leave you with this last quote. 

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. 

However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” - Ann Landers

Till next time!

Well Ladies and Gents I am back at writing

As you have probably guessed, I have been incredibly busy.

I got back from the states just two months. It's been crazy weird thinking about life in the states has been resuming while I have been here.

To catch you up on everything going on:

Spanish is going well. Better than I expected quite honestly. I know a lot but speaking is still getting to me. The best nights are speaking spanish with the translators as we hang out. I absolutely love it and all of their friendship. Even if I'm totally wrong they will help me understand why I said the sentence wrong.

In other news things are going by very quickly. We are learning at fast paces and going at 90mph. I'll tell you this. It's hard to sometimes keep up. I never imagined I'd be able to understand and speak a little amount of spanish.

In this last month of being back, we have been busy. We found out that we are going to Haiti for a missions trip. I cannot tell you how excited I am to do this. Not only is it another stamp on the passport, but it is actually another opportunity to grow and step out of my comfort zone.

Parents week came and went just like that. We went to a really poor campo named San Jose and we also went to Josiah's House, Emanual House, and Pasitos de Jesus. It was good to show my dad around where I stayed and let him enjoy the hot weather we were having.

Just to let you know I have totally trimmed this thing. I was 18 paragraphs, but I trimmed it waay down.

As I was saying a while back... We have been going non stop. Classes have commenced in full swing and life is just as not predictable as the next day. In this last month I have been off with my group on medical missions trips to help translate, we have been planning for our missions trip to Haiti (I'm pumped), we have had a long class (But it was wonderful and beneficial)of both Soteriology and Old Testament History. Being in classes a lot makes me weary of school, but I am reminded that college is nothing like this experience. 

To know what's been on my heart lately, It's been on the peace of God. Every time you face something you think (key word think) you can't handle and then God just says, "Here's a place where you have to rely on me. The question is will you lean on me or try it out for yourself?" I was journaling because that's one of the only times where I can get real with myself about others and my progress. Since being back I have been thrown into situations that just challenge the heck out of me. Whether it's using self control to keep my mouth shut or standing up for myself. I will say that my temper as had a time of cooling. It takes a lot to get me really mad and if walk away from these past 9 months with just that... I think that is huge progress.

I will be getting better about writing, but if you ever have any question feel free to ask. :)

Till next time!