happiness or happyness?

Well Today is Thanksgiving...

 I can tell you that there are a million things running through my head. I am thankful for numerous things, but here's a few that top the list. 

I am thankful(In not particular order)...

 1.    For a God that loves me and cares for me- even when I don't take care of myself.
2.    For the GAP family I have made here. Each person has helped me along on this journey. They are like family now and I can't imagine my life without each one. :)
3.    My family, I know we don't get a long a lot, but I am thankful for the growth period and to see what God does.
4.    My Awaken Family, who have taught me how to cook, how to laugh, how to lead and praise God and how to be discipled. Accountability sucks, but it SO worth it in the end. I can't imagine my life without all of you guys and I am SO blessed.
That's just the top 4 but a top 5 would have turned into a top 7. haha so 4 it is. The past couple of weeks have been absolutely amazing. I don't have enough energy to tell you all in great detail but I'll try to hit them all. This past weekend we went on a mini missions trip to Bani. Well, one thing I asked God was that I could see the mountains. See, the mountains for me are so refreshing and so rejuvenating that I can't even tell you how empowered I feel just being in the presence of mountains.(Photo Credit Jaime Snyder)

    Well, Bani is in the mountains and God did a number on me. He helped me to relax, enjoy and step way out of my comfort zone. In Bani we helped out at the local baptist church painting and fellowshipping. We have fun at youth group and then Sunday went to church. Now, church in the states is long if it's 1.5 hours but here's it's short if it's 3 hours. They sing with all of their might and when God says make a joyful noise... he didn't say it had to be on pitch. These Dominican's sing and praise God as their hearts desire. Even when it's not perfect- they still praise God with all they have.( Life hack 101: praise God with what you have- don't impress him, but give all you can.) Monday we went to the beach with some of the guys and girls from church. Then we headed home to Juan Dolio. 
     SO many things to say about the 90+ days I've been here. It totally feels like I've been here about a month. I can tell you that I so didn't believe when people told me that it was going to fly by. Well, here we are around Thanksgiving and it's in the high 80's and sunny.
      It's weird looking out and sometimes is doesn't feel real. Today was that day. We had a free day and so I slept like I haven't slept in a while. I slept for twelve hours and it was amazing. I love getting tons of it, especially when I really needed it. Today was a day where things/feelings/spiritual warfare hit. Feelings of being lost, alone and I'm incredibly overwhelmed at the feelings of going "home." It's crazy how it actually stresses me out to the max. As I look around, it almost doesn't feel real that I'm living in the Caribbean and learning spanish. Sometimes I actually get overwhelmed and shed a tear or two with amazement of where I am in life.
      As I was up on the roof today watching the wind blow into the palm trees. I was reminded of how many times I would watch from our deck how the wind would blow the pine trees back and forth.  I can remember thinking, "is there more to this life than this. Will I ever get out of this rut?" That was about two years ago. Well, sitting here in a different country, I can finally say I've gotten out of that rut. There's more to life than the 9-5 job and an undisciplined life.
     God has really been challenging me everyday. Some things are easy and others are hard. Things like: to love, forgive, and move on. Throughout this journey I have learned that it's not about the actual situation but how you handle yourself and get through it.Who do you turn to when times are tough, friends or God?      One thing I've really thought about is marriage. God made it abundantly clear marriage was for me and to whom I do not know. However, he made it clear that I should be getting ready. Ha, the thought of that still rattles my cage. Was God really telling me to get ready for marriage or was it just that I'm surrounded by girls 24/7 and that desire has happened my osmosis. I can truly say that I have never thought of myself as marriage material.     Maybe because a version of myself I didn't like had been created and I was scared to admit it. Or, I just didn't know what to feel or think. I was in a position to get married but I knew things were lacking. I knew in my heart of hearts that getting married to that guy would be the biggest mistake of my life. I can't tell you right now how it all happened in detail, but I can tell you that I am not that same person I use to be. There was no defining moment of saying, "I'm not in this 100%" However, It was comfortable. I could do whatever I pleased. All without consequences(So I thought)Though, in my heart of hearts I knew that's not who I was created to be. Something told me I had to change, but I was stuck. I got suck in a rut and then became so stubborn I took a thousand paces back. All I know is that It's hard for me to pin point the last time I really thought about marriage as a good thing. Maybe it's because I'm selfish or maybe it's for a different reason. All I know is that I knew I wasn't to marry him and yet I was on my way to doing so.
     Here in the Dominican I've had a lot of time to get away from the world around me in Georgia. Yes, there's Facebook but I know that things happen everyday that people don't put on social media. Marriage has been on my mind since about the fourth week of being here. I can remember the passage in Proverbs chapter 31 in which it talks about being a good wife. What's interesting is that I was always told to wait for that man, but I've taken a new approach. Love God, Seek after God, Run with God and Let your mate find you along the way. If he doesn't find me, it wasn't meant to be. I can tell you being the youngest of three girls in the family it's hard not think about marriage. When both my sisters were married 7 months apart... The question arose at both weddings a total of 29 times, "Melissa, when is your wedding?" I knew the family wasn't kidding, but at the same time they were. Lately I've been thinking about my future but I've needed this time to relax, refresh, renew, rededicate, and restart. It's been a different attitude since I've gone through my five R's. I'm different and I'm not afraid. I'm willing to reclaim my innocence, be the woman I was created to be, and take pride in who I am. As I read Proverbs 31 I don't just see it as a goal, but as a guideline. Not like a purity ring as it's a symbol of coolness or Christian status, but like faint smile and a reminder of who I was created to be.
  If you're reading this- I know this is a little more personal, but this is what my journey is about here. haha I promise more tourism pictures will come sometime. So this is a little bit of what God's been teaching me. Much more to come after the weeks festivities. Highlights:• Thanksgiving with my GAP/Score Family
• Bonding moments
• Seeing random goats/wildlife in unexpected places.
• Praise and worship times

I'll leave you with this last quote.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal" Anonymous

 


Till Next Time! 

bunny trails and awesomesauce.

Well hello once again. I just wanted to thank you for all for being awesome sauce and keeping me up to date on things going on.

Yes it's a different title, but I always struggle on what it should be named. I learned that dominican's call them bunny trails instead of tangents or random thought patterns or even the rabbit trails. lol 

     I will say that this week I have been totally missing my Awaken Family. I miss y'all but this week I have been so wishing I had Vicki and Heather’s home cooking. It’s weird the things you miss until you smell something and it brings back a memory or two or four. :) So missing church cookouts and jammin with the Eady men. P.S. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss getting hugs. :) 

    Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. Let’s see to catch you all up on what’s going on… 

    Today is Veterans Day and it doesn’t feel like it. I see on Facebook that people are in hats, hoodies and jackets and I'm over here like... man it's so hot and humid. If it hits 77 I've got my hoodie and jeans on. Totally different than in the states right now. It’s weird because I have been so anxious and so worried about what’s going on here. Things like... if I’ll get things on the test right or will my Spanish click…. I just haven’t had that peace. Well, today it clicked. I finally got assurance that I've been wait for the past 70+ days. We were on the way back home from Josiah’s House and I was riding shot gun in our taxi. I had my headphones in to Pentatonix’s new album and the song was Save The World / Don’t You Worry Child. I out stretched my arm into the wind and it just came to me. It was weird because it’s not normal to stick out your arm because of all the crazy drivers. I know what you’re thinking… how could this bring you peace? Ha. Picture this. You ready? You get done being around little boys who are so precious and just love to be loved. A beautiful sunny day, a smile on my face and the wind blowing in my hair with the words, “Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child, Heaven’s got a plan for you.” Blaring in my ears. I don’ t think I could have made up this moment. I began smiling from ear to ear and I even teared up. Yep. I'm pretty sure the girl in the back seat if she noticed might have wondered what was going on. It’s one of those moments I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Ever. Now that I have that peace, I can finally relax and just enjoy life here. 

    I was asked to share some personal things about what I’m learning… let’s see.. This trip has opened my eyes to many things. One, I’m selfish. I knew I was self centered but I had no idea until I came here. I’ve had it really easy back in the states and it’s totally affected me for the better. The second way is loving people who are really hard to love and/or hard to please. I could say many things, but I am learning that not everyone needs to be pleased nor happy through me. It’s okay to say no and not let everyone in. It's okay to think selfishly about things and not bend just because someone else has a problem. It’s kind of a good feeling. All I’m gonna say is that I am thankful for my friends back in the states and thankful for communication and acceptance even in the little things. The third thing is taking in the small things. I absolutely love it here and I’m learning to figure out things like laundry, facetime/calling people and figuring out how to do homework all in a short time.

    Let’s see. This past weekend I went on a house visit and I absolutely loved it. I have learned that I can understand Dominican Spanish! It clicked this weekend. Now, I can hardly get a sentence out, but If I hear it- I can translate it. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. If you don’t feel my excitement- just smile and you’ll feel it eventually. Yep. A prayer answered. I don’t understand it all but the word “como” and they say it in a simpler form. Yep. I am starting to get it.  Okay back the home visit story.

    We left on Friday I got to go with another student Alicia (She’s pretty rad) to Jose’s house in Guayacanes. He’s the father in law of one of our autobus drivers Henry. Henry and his family live with them. On Friday we got to hang out and got to know the family pretty well. Jose’s family is so precious. Jose has three girls and a beautiful wife Elopena. On Saturday we went to the beach and ate fish that had been caught by Jose the previous day. Oh. My. Goodness. It was amazing. He had it fried, but not overly fried. I kinda wished we had it grilled, but not everyone has a grill here. But home fried fish. I’ll take pescado any day. Then after going to the beach we came back and took showers. Probably the coldest shower I’ve taken thus far and that night Alicia and I got to hang out with just the girls. I will say that all of us talking and laughing made me think of many, many, many, many years ago when Beth, Laura and I would sit on the bed or couches and talk and laugh. It’s been a pretty long time since anything has happened like that and it’s been pretty awesome to be apart of that.

    Anyways, life here is going pretty well. My tan has faded because it’s been cloudy and it’s rained here a bunch. Yep. I’m figuring out that no matter what happens that I’m on here for a short period of time. It’s true what they all say… you blink and your time is gone. Well… I can see why. It’s Veterans Day and in just 5 weeks I return to the states for a quick visit. It will be May before I know it!

Good things thus far.

•         Late night jam sessions with Anna, Kelli, and our favorite translators Felipe and Dio.
•         Bonding experiences
•         Awesome Bible classes
•         Home visits with real Dominicans
•   Letters/text messages from home. Btw, I love getting the unexpected texts. They make me smile.

Things not so awesome

•    Homework
•    Homesickness
•    Hard lessons the Lord’s trying to teach
•    Cold showers
•  Lack of groceries
•  Rain makes mud and mud gets everywhere. :/

If you want a list to pray for- just message me and I'll give you some things to pray for.

I am blessed beyond belief as I look back at all the messages and verses people have sent me. I am truly blessed. I cant get over the things people send me and I am thankful. Getting encouragement down here is few and far between for me and so getting messages and encouragement letters (or emails) have been a blessing. Thank you.

"Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." John 13:35

Till Next Time,

I admit, I'm part introvert.

So, I know that I updated but I’ve got so much to talk about.

I will say that I do miss fall clothing. Scarves, chandelier earrings, toboggans, and late night bonfires. I really miss my favorite time of year, but this time next year- I will be eating it up. On that note, experiencing the culture here is very interesting. Since beginning of Oct there has been Christmas decorations (trees, green, red, white and blue decorative fuzzy stuff, and even Feliz Navidad signs are in windows.

I do want to apologize to all who have called or texted or messaged. I have been MIA to focus on things here and not things in the states.

I also wanted to thank you guys with all of your encouragement. I am so blessed beyond measure that you guys think and pray for me. Who am I for you to take time just to pray for me? Just an FYI, if you ever send me a verse, I write it on an index card and hang it up beside my bed or somewhere where I will see it.

A time of pruning is still here. In the flesh I totally dread it because it's not the most pleasant of seasons to go through. Since we last talked, or rather you read. I shared with you all the awesome things God has done and challenged me with. Well, let's just say that the enemy has been attacking me from every angle. Spiritual warfare has been happening the last few nights including tonight. If you can, send a prayer out for me. It has been tough. 

Talking about being tough, please know that I am going through some changes. If I seem different or talk different (I have had many people tell me that I am.) Please understand that I have turned over a new leaf. Before you scoff or give the screen an evil eye. I'm not going to come back this crazy person. I'm still the same Hester or Mel or Lis that you've known. Just a little different. It’s not because I came down here and this place changed me. It’s that things had been stirring in my heart long before I got here. It took me coming to a third world country to finally learn it. God had to get me so uncomfortable, so vulnerable, so naked and set apart from my daily grind to teach me and test my faith to keep going. My new leaf might look a little different and I can proudly say, that I love being “Whipped to Jesus.” That phrase was said to me by someone who I broke ties with. I’ve made decisions, broken relationships and realized that there is freedom after you get through the shadows. This hurt I feel right now, in the temporary; will come out somehow for my good in the end. All I have to do is believe and walk by faith. I’ve shed many friends but in the midst of this transition I have gained 12 new ones. Actually, 13 if you count our awesome leader Jaime (and I SO should).  So let’s go with 13 new like-minded friends… Plus, all the awesome missionaries and interns make it out to be more than I could have ever imagined. It's almost one of the those things where once you give it to God he gives things back to you, two fold.

             Anyways, the rest of my week has been awesome. We went to a host home and it was very humbling. Adrienne's apartment in the Emanuel House is so cute. I have found out that I freeze when my Spanish skills are put to the test. Imagine, for 24 hours I spoke maybe as much as 15-20 complete sentences. Ha, that’s crazy to imagine, but it’s true. It’s that pride factor all day long and I will admit it. It’s crazy, but it’s true. However, it was good to get away from the Score complex and walk around Quisqueya for a bit. I really enjoyed getting out with Alicia, Jessinia, and Jaime. It’s been a joy getting to know these girls and will say that I am learning to have a soft spot for a lot of these girls. God’s doing some things I can’t even explain.

              Now, for some of you guys you know that I am completely extroverted. Well, while I have been here and so the last couple months I have not only been completely extroverted, but I have found that introverted time with God. I will say that it is the most beautiful thing I have experienced. I've had those moments where I get bored of the TV or mixing music and so I sit alone,but being here I have learned to love the quiet. Sometimes, I'll slip out of the room or the Score MTC and head to the porch. I've shared enough tears, happy moments and even wrote a song on that porch. It's been weird because I have always hated the quiet. I actually envisioned this look on Heather's face when i told her one time that I hated the quiet. haha still makes me laugh till this day. 

Just know that I love you all very dearly. I think about all of you guys and pray for you often. 

Here's a few things for you to pray for...

• Pray for the health of the team. We all seem to pass around our sicknesses and it stinks that people get sick. :/
• Pray for our GAP leader/Director Jaime. She's someone to really look up to and is learning right along with us. Pray for peace, guidance and for her to love hugs more. :) 
• pray for all of our ministries, for us to open up and be bold.
• Spanish learning... for all.
• Pray for more sleep.
• if you will, can you pray against the spirit of the fear for me. I didn't realize that it would be a problem, but lately it hasn't helped with the spiritual warfare going on.

Miss you guys and see you in 6 weeks for a short break home. :)

Let me leave with this quote that I have fallen in love with: 

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” - C. JoyBell

Till next time!