Happy Monday!
This one is not only an update about the trip and I hesitate to even write about this, but I feel led to share my story here.
There is a pair of shorts that I have had for quite a while. They're big, baggy, match everything, and have lots of pockets. The typical men's khaki cargo shorts. I'm able to do everything with these shorts. If this pair of shorts could talk, they would tell you a million stories and memories. Moving out, moving in, work issues, relationship issues, family issues, bar conversations, and they have been with me to 4 different countries... I can tell you that this pair of shorts has been with me through it all and they have hid something from others. Whether it be a dip can or a small bottle of alcohol in the pocket or a large pocket knife hooked on for protection. The thing about these shorts is that they hide something else... my weight. They look so ridiculous on me that It makes me feel skinny. I know that whenever I put these shorts on, they will always fit... just like the last time. It's safe and it's there. No matter how crazy my sister or mom says I look in them- I always bucked the system because I didn't care. I knew that this pair of shorts made me feel better.For the past two years, I have been on a journey of healing. I have lived life for me and not taken into account what anyone else has said. I broke off a relationship with someone who I really cared about, I lost friends because I wasn't willing to let them walk over me or because living in bondage is not what I call living life. These shorts are the last of the purging of these "comfortable" clothes. It's the last outer shell that I have worried so much about. It's worried me for so long and yet here I sit looking at these shorts. Each monday I do laundry. Yes, I sort, wash, dry and fold all my laundry and my sheets. I look upon this very same pair of shorts and say, "maybe next week" and so I fold them and put them away. Just to wear them the next day. Well, this is the week. Today, I have decided not to wear this pair of shorts anymore. Why? Because I am beautiful without these shorts. In Genesis 1:27a it says "So God created man in his own image." Ha, have you ever thought that we are created in the image of THE Creator of the Universe? When I wear the shorts, they define me as boyish or insecure. It's amazing that a pair of shorts can make someone feel so awesome about themselves. Since growing in my relationship with God, I have learned that each conversation or mentorship or tough love conversation was specifically placed for a reason. In Ecclesiastes 3:7 it says, "He has made every thing beautiful in his time: also he has set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God makes from the beginning to the end." I decided to take a leap of faith and do what he has been pressuring me to do. Reside in him for my beauty and not seek upon myself or others for that satisfaction. See, that's what I was not doing the entire time. I was residing in myself and how I felt to decide if I was beautiful or good looking. I had to search and searching made me as lost as Moses in the desert. Over the past two years I have been wandering in my own version of the desert trying to find my way. Trying in my own strength and not depending on something stronger than man. I would seek counsel but not truly want it. It was going to take something much more and it did. When God showed me through several cross references that, "He has made every thing beautiful in his time..."
I knew what I had to do...
What I had to do is get rid of the shorts. Not just a random pair of shorts, THE shorts. It might sound dramatic but it is actually quite terrifying for me. Come tomorrow morning- I will be throwing away these shorts... never to see them again. Never to look down at the hole or the paint in the left pocket. I have been telling people that this has been a time of shedding and pruning. Well, hopefully it's almost over because I'm sick of pruning. It hurts and it is no fun. However, just remember that giving up control is not easy and exposing yourself to things that hurt are not fun. It's like ripping the scab off a freshly scabbed wound. However, once you stop trying to take care of it yourself... you find you have strength to get up or stand up for yourself.
I know that was pretty long and really exposing. However, It was good to let you all know what's been going on in my life away from the computer.
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Other than the shorts here's what's been going on in bullet points thus far.
- Spanish teachings have gotten harder-my brain hurts my 12 noon but it's so good.
- I'm trying to not cry when thinking about leaving this place. I know graduation is just 6 weeks away, but still it's sad
- groups come and go here and it is actually quite sad.
- I LOVE carepackages! Thank you to all who have sent some!
- I'm learning that each new day is a blessing
- I am reading a book called It's NOT About ME and I absolutely love it.
- We had apologetics and I absolutely love it.
- graduation is just simply too close and it's getting to me
- Johnson Ferry comes in on Saturday and pray for all of us. We will all be translating in some form or fashion. Whether conversational or for large groups.
- pray for the mindsets of everyone here because it's getting down to the end.
- FINISHING WELL
- Bible is now going to be taught by Dr. Bob and I'm SUPER excited. His knowledge is so great about the bible that it is absolutely amazing.
- I'm taking advantage of the beach as much as I can.
- Saying goodbye is never easy. Especially to those who you have gotten to know and care for.
Just letting you guys know to pray for all of us. We will all need strength when Johnson Ferry comes down with 300+ people. They charter their own plane and such. haha
Let me leave you with this last quote.
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength.
However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” - Ann Landers
Till next time!
